Hollywood, CA::
Dear Roy,
You just don’t get it do you? Zat is not how you fold bikini underwear! Zey are delicate pieces of silk! You cannot just toss zem around like a Caesar salad!
Oh und by the way, we are out of peanut butter. Jasmine was hungry ze other night….und she is currently nursing her two cubs, zo I decided get crazy vith some Saltines.
Anyhow I am just writing zis letter so you know zat I am leaving you. You have left ze bedpan dirty vun too many times. Und I have found someone recently. He is more of a man zen you ah, but much less of man zen Shaquille O’Neal. He treats me good und he has no problem vith applesauce in bed!
I took ze biography of Paul Mitchell and ze new issue of Hasselhoff Digest, so you vill just have to manage. Please don’t even attempt to call my mothers!
Siegfried
P.S. Und don’t you even zink about touching zat streusel in ze icebox!
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