Anytown, USA::You wanna know why America is a great country? Because we offer the citizens of our land something that most countries consider an over-indulgence of luxury....the all you can eat buffet. We at The Razzi decidedmit was time to experiment with some field research.
Of course with great success comes great responsibility, along with a fair share of weirdos to keep an establishment such as a buffet open. The way I see it is there are three basic types of a buffet, those three in no particular order are: pizza/salad, chinese and brunch.
Buffets also sometimes work on very tight timelines because...well they are special. A chinese buffet generally is a buffet all day every day. Pizza buffets are sometimes a restaurant that will convert to a buffet for a two to four hour timeframe each day. Finally, the elusive Brunch buffet is generally a Saturday/Sunday operation, with a two to four hour timeline on those days.
Now at a Chinese buffet you will encounter several types of people. You get the people who only hang out down by the crab rangoon, constantly waiting for that fresh batch of deep fried cream cheese. Chinese buffets also sometimes can bring in a hybrid type of individual who enjoys hanging around the buffet like it was a coffee house. You may see this person frequently at the same Chinese buffet, possibly reading a Danielle Steele novel while enjoying Broccoli Beef (#43). These people are generally referred to as, "Moo Shu Dorks" or "Egg Foo Bums."
Pizza and salad are included in the same category, because generally if you can find one, you can probably find the other. There are basically two vague types of individuals who go to pizza/salad buffets, those who use Ranch and those who do not. You will also typically find a Pizza/Salad buffet species classified under the name, DeGeneres, which is someone that only eats one kind of pizza and that's it.
Finally...the ultimate buffet that many make an Everest attempt to reach, but due to hangovers most miss.....The Brunch buffet! This buffet can feature items from breakfast and from lunch, two of my top three favorite courses. The Brunch buffet is also the buffet that you will encounter a creature known as a "Shadow." Now the "Shadow" is actually the real thing I hate about buffets and the inspiration for this article. You can find "Shadows" at any buffet, but they particularly enjoy the many choices of the Brunch buffet, which becomes a complete drawback.
"Shadows" are generally 70 years or older, they typically eat breakfast at 6am and they hover around the same dishes you are interested in. There is also a well-known "Shadow" crossbreed that also has certain traits which make them spend long periods of time making a decision on whether to take a particular food item or not. These people generally are directly in front of you and take the last three strips of bacon.
Good Luck Country That Has 30.5% Of It's Citizens Obese!
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3 comments:
yeah someone should tell who ever invented buffets that when you pay 16.95 for brunch they should probably include a soda. just a suggestion. I LOVE SILVER DOLLAR PANCAKES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
mr. muffett sat at a buffet eating his curds and whey, around the corner he heard such a sound, it was a bus pulling up to the buffet and everyone inside is disgusting and round. keep the potatoes coming.
mr. muffett sat at a buffet eating his curds and whey, around the corner he heard such a sound, it was a bus pulling up to the buffet and everyone inside is disgusting and round. keep the potatoes coming.
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